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Friday, 20 September 2013

220 - The Bug Man and the Retro Roamer

The day had arrived, the meeting with the bug fixer man was here at last. Eleven fifteen was the schedule appointment. Was I to dress in my Sunday best, or just slip on the boardies.

Opening the door of the bug rooms, I gingerly walked to the counter. "Hi...my name is Retro Roamer, and I am here to see the Mr. Bug Fixer." Take a seat Mr. Retro Roamer.

I sat down gingerly, broke out a recent copy of Marie Claire. Flicking through the glossy pages, I was starting to get engrossed in page 114,  "Why Old People Don't Have Sex Anymore," when I could hear the foot steps of Mr. Bug coming from around the corner.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek, here it comes with the news I was dreading. My mind was running rampant, do I pack up the BBQ, and bring the awning in. Do I tell the bride to get the tradein papers ready. Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerk. 

There he was, Mr. Bug Fixer, a fine rotund man, with very little blonde hair............."Mr. Retro Roamer come to my office". Don't you just hate that just, when you are getting into an interesting story, especially this one........ Bugger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The room was your typical medicos room. Full of  pictures of every part of the human anatomy. We sat down, faced each other like a couple of hardened gun slingers. The conversation was nil, the air was full of tension, Mr. Bug Fixer, ruffled through the reams of paper work with my name on it, saying nothing, just interrupting the thick air with the occasional grunt and mmmmmmmmmmm.

A pregnant pause was noticed, Mr. Bug Fixer raised his head from the reams of paper, and looked at me over the top of his half glasses, and moved his rotund body further into his executioners chair.

Was this it, the news about the unknown bug I got in Melbun.  

"Well Mr. Retro Roamer, all I can say is, your results have gone missing." What!!!!!!!!!!!!!! was the cry. How can this be. I am just a Geriatric Gypsie!   

"But in saying that, you are to bloody healthy at the moment, and if you had the bug that we first suspected, you would be on life support with days to live." Geeeeeeeeeeezus what a relief.

Mr. Bug Fixer, then proceeded to check out my vitals, and said, "Mr. Retro Roamer, all is good, however keep away from Melbun, their trams and their winter.

I dodged a bullet, however I did have a dose of phenomena. The bug who knows. The rash that looked like a chocolate freckle, the right foot that was swollen like a puffer fish, and generally looking like a horror victim, the results are, I guess in the don't know basket.

Leaving Mr. Bug Fixit Rooms, feeling pretty bloody good, so I flogged the Marie Claire magazine to finish the enthralling story.

A'h well, no need to put the BBQ away, or fold in the awning.  The Retro Roamers are back.

Must finish that story in Marie Claire!

Tuesday, 3 September 2013

219- Yooooo Hoooooo We Are Still Here

Well I thought it time to let you know, we are still in the land of living..........at times just.
On the home front, we are still at Sawtell, in our little niche of our beach front unit, and the bride is the "Master Chef" at Meals On Wheels.
But on the other side of the coin, yours truly, has been affected by some mysterious bug, that has all the pundits scratching their melon and reverting to the Guiness Book of Records for answers.
Seems our recent trip to Melbun..............geeeeeeeeeeeezus I hate that pace, through the delights of freez'n weather, being shoe horned into dirty trams, and inhaling the breath incredibilis of Curry Chops, Sweet and Sour everything, Rolled Over Hoopus Poopus and over done Rovioli, mate I got the bug big time.
On my return to Sawtell I was admitted to the funny farm, with every disease know to man, a rash that looked like every chocolate freckle was poured over me, barking like a drovers dog, and a temperature that went off the Richoter Scale.
Any way I have been released, with a diagnosis of "no idea" However in saying that even though I have had more blood sucked out me than ""Sooky" from True Blood ever needed, still one nasty is yet to be identified. The next two weeks will tell on that one, and if positive, it will be put the Barby away, roll up the awning, as we are in for a hell of a ride!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So after a million more blood samples, the next two weeks will be interesting.
So stay tooooooooooooooooned